JC's post of the Desiderata brought me back to another gem I've been holding on to for years. I annually talk about this with my daughters, and like to think the lesson of self-respect sank in at an early age.
Do You Act – Or React?
I walked with my friend, a Quaker, to the newsstand the other night, and he bought a paper, thanking the newsy politely. The newsy didn’t even acknowledge it.
“A sullen fellow, isn’t he?” I commented.
“Oh, he’s that way every night,” shrugged my friend.
“Then why did you continue to be so polite to him?”
“Why not?” inquired my friend. “Why should I let him decide how I’m going to act?”
As I thought about this incident later, it occurred to me that the important word was “act”. My friend acts toward people; most of us react toward them.
He has a sense of inner balance that is lacking in most of us. He knows who he is, what he stands for, how he should behave. He refuses to return incivility for incivility, because then he would no longer be in command of his own conduct.
When we are enjoined in the Bible to return good for evil, we look upon this as a moral injunction – which it is. But, it is also a psychological prescription for our emotional health.
Nobody is unhappier than the perpetual reactor. His center of emotional gravity is not rooted within himself, where it belongs, but in the world outside him. His spiritual temperature is always being raised or lowered by the social climate around him, and he is a mere creature at the mercy of these elements.
Praise gives him a feeling of euphoria, which is false because it does not last and it does not come from self-approval. Criticism depresses him more than it should, because it confirms his own secretly shaky opinion of himself. Snubs hurt him and the merest suspicion of unpopularity in any quarter rouses him to bitterness. A serenity of spirit cannot be achieved until we become the masters of our own actions and attitudes. To let another determine whether we be rude or gracious, elated or depressed, is to relinquish control over our own personalities, which is ultimately all we possess.
- Author Unknown
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4 comments:
This last paragraph is spooky. It’s like he knew me. Nursing has brought me face to face with the importance of this "act or react" concept. Thought that martial arts and the Army had me well prepared for anything. Boy was I wrong. Quickly found my limitations. A mastery of this skill is "key” or be crushed by the stress. Should be taught to children from an early age. Makayla and I have had almost daily discussions on a similar theme. Our racial difference brings regular attacks that aren’t easily countered. I get bent out of shape over it but she shrugs it off. She schools me mostly.
It has always concerned me that our society can’t recognize this as a necessary prerequisite.
Great post. I'm going to read it with Makayla.
Great post Ugs. Heres a little jewel I have found:
“As a personal project, look behind the physical appearance
of another person to penetrate the secrets of the inner man.
Ignoring his physical self for the moment, try to see the
psychological person who stands before you. Be aware of why
he says what he does, notice how easily he is distracted by
a sudden noise, observe tension or irritation in his general
manner.
After practicing this for a while you may be astonished at
how the observed person seems to change before your eyes. He
is not what you thought he was. The person whom you thought you
understood has become a stranger who is far less confident than
he appeared to be. Of course, the person has not changed at all.
You are seeing him as he really is behind his external stage
performance.
The purpose of this practice is not to criticize the other
person, but to see his actual condition, to know the psycho-
logical person. This works for you in many ways, including
the talent for independence in human relations."
…Vernon Howard Esoteric Encyclopedia of Eternal Knowledge, p. 149
These posts are pissing me off.
Hi.
Must be the age thing...I only get pissed off about twice a year now. My body is just tired to withstand much more.
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